My Only Goal is to Own a Pink House
My main motivation is the idea that one day I can own a pink house. It doesn’t even have to be a house, it can be a tiny house on wheels, or an RV or a tent. Maybe not a tent. I often try to sit down and figure out what are my future goals and I can’t think of anything other than the pink house.
It’s difficult for me to map out exactly what it is that I want to do in art. I know I’m an artist, but what exactly do I want that to entail. I don’t know. I know most people don’t overthink these types of things and just go where the wind takes them, but I’m not that person. I want to know exactly where I’m going, how I’m getting there and how long it’s going to take.
College was easy-peasy in that sense. There were documents and catalogs telling me exactly how to get the degree I wanted. They told me exactly which classes and credits I needed and listed out information, it was great. I studied them, charted them, highlighted, re-highlighted and put the information in binders.
Now I’m lost- but that’s not new information to anyone reading my blog.
My therapist told me I had to ask myself three questions:
- Who am I?
- Where am I heading?
- Why am I heading there?
My surface level answers to those questions are:
- Hi, I’m Blanca.
- I’m heading towards a future where I live in a pink house.
- Because I love pink. It makes me happy. I want to be surrounded by it.
Here is my second stab at answering these questions:
- I am Blanca Rosa Jimenez. I am a fleshy body possessed by images, dreams, symbols, language, intuition, and creativity. I am a tool of the universe used to create and articulate.
- I am heading towards uncharted territory. A successful and rewarding future that I don’t know the details of yet.
- I’m heading there because I intend to prioritize honesty, creativity, and knowledge in my life. I have a feeling in my gut that this is somehow my mission in life, and that’s what I need to practice and focus on.
Well anyways, I’m going to have to take another stab at answering those questions because sometimes my own thoughts go over my head. In the mean time I’ve determined I have to do more art and write more blog posts. I can go weeks and weeks without doing either and it’s really not good for me.
For the past month I’ve been working 3rd shift as a stocker in a store. It’s not glamorous, exciting or anything that I’m too open about, but I really do like it. I’m walking and getting that exercise in while listening to 8 hours of my favorite podcasts each night. It’s during the night until early morning, time when I’d be awake regardless, so I don’t have to deal with people. It is stress free and the people who I work with are interesting. It’s completely different from the 9-5 call center job that had my physically and mentally sick.
I’m at a place now where I am starting to feel good again and I can get back to producing art on a regular basis. My plan right now is to post a new blog post every Wednesday and to make a new art piece every week and post that either Sunday night or Monday morning. Other than writing and art-ing I have no other idea how I should be moving forward, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
Here is a piece I did when I first started therapy. I tried to show how hopeless I felt after graduating. Leaving the structure and safety of school and looking out into the future. The different colored rectangles represent different paths I could take in life. So many different paths, but the main concern was the fact that between me and these doors is just darkness and space. I had no idea how to navigate and I still have no idea. I still resonate with this illustration; the main difference now is that I’m less hopeless and depressed. I know that I will find a way to a door, the right door…a pink door.